J. D. Liebhart
J.D. Liebhart developed the world-renowned program: “How to be an Unsuccessful Novelist.”
Step 1: At sixteen, set goal of marrying David Bowie or, as a backup, becoming lead singer of a band (Note: Singing ability optional).
Step 2: In college, when professor suggests Iowa’s Writers’ Workshop, don’t apply.
Step 3: Write non-fiction for ludicrously low pay when goal is fiction.
Step 4: Write occasional short story. Don’t submit anywhere.
Step 5: Write mediocre novel.
Step 6: Throw away.
Step 7: Write moderately better novel. Have a baby. Move internationally. Go back to school for another bachelor’s and another master’s degree. Start new career (Note: These might interfere with writing).
Step 8: Revise moderately better novel until hatred sets in.
Step 9: Throw away.
Step 10: Start new novel.